英语经典幽默故事

第一篇：英语经典幽默故事

英语经典幽默故事

故事一

Best Reward

A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.“The best way, sir, ”said the deck hand, “is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I’d pulled you out, they’d chuck me in.”

最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何能酬谢他。“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。”

故事二

I Taught the Teacher

Mother asked her little boy,”Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?” “Nothing, Mum.” Answered the son proudly, “instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.”

我教老师

母亲问她年幼的儿子：“宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么？”儿子骄傲地说：“什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。”

故事三

How Did You Ever Get Here

One winter morning, an employee explained why he had shown up for work 45 minutes late.“It was so slippery out that for every step I took ahead, I slipped back two.”

The boss eyed him suspiciously.”Oh, yeah? Then how did you ever get here?”

“I finally gave up,” he said, “and started for home.”

你是怎么来的？

一个冬天的早晨，一名雇员解释他为什么迟到了四十五分钟才来上班。“外面太滑了，我每向前迈一步，就要向后退两步。”

老板狐疑地看着他。“噢，是吗？那你是怎么到这儿来的？”

“后来我决定放弃，”他说，“然后我就往家里走。”

索创在线英语http:///

第二篇：英语幽默故事

小学生英语故事

包括：幽默故事（1-7页）、普通小故事（7-40页）。激发小朋友们学英语的兴趣，帮助他们提高成绩。最好每天背一篇，会有不错的效果的 O(∩_∩)O

英文幽默故事：

There was a guy who went into a shop to buy a parrot.There werethree parrots in the shop.One was $5,000;another one, $10,000;and the third one, $30,000.The customer asked the owner, “How come this guy is $5,000? That‟s so expensive for this kindof parrot.” The owner said, “Because I have trained him and he can talk.” So the customer asked him, “How about this guy? What can he do that makes him so expensive?” The owner said, “Well, apart from talking, he can also do some amusing actions,like dancing and so on.That‟s why he‟s so expensive.” Then the customer said, “How about the third one? What canhe do that makes him so expensive?” The owner of the shopsaid, “I don‟t know.Normally, I have never heard him talk, nor dance, nor whistle, nor sing, nothing at all!But the other two call him „The Boss.‟”

老板最大有个人到一间商店买鹦鹉。店里有三只鹦鹉，其中一只卖五千元，另一只卖一万元，还有一只卖三万元。顾客问老板：「为什么这只要卖五千元？这个价钱对这种鹦鹉来说太贵了！」老板说：「因为我有训练他讲话。」顾客又问：「那这只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「他除了会说话之外，还会表演一些有趣的动作，好比说跳舞等等，所以才卖这么贵。」顾客接着又问：「那第三只呢？他会做什么？为什么要卖这么贵？」老板说：「我不知道。我从没听过他讲话、吹口哨或唱歌，也没看过他跳舞，什么都没有！不过另外两只叫他：『老板！』」

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Tom is a little boy, and he is only seven years old.Once he goes to a cinema.It is the first time for him to do that.He buys a ticket and goes in.But after two or three minutes he comes out, and buys the second ticket and goes in again.After a few minutes he comes out again and buys the third ticket.Two or three minutes after that he comes out and asks for another ticket.But a girl asks him,“Why do you buy so many tickets? How many friends do you meet?” “No, I have no friends here, but a big woman always stops me at the door and cuts up my ticket.”

汤姆是个小孩，他才7岁。当他去电影院的时候。那时他第一次去。他买了张票进去了。但没过两三分钟他就出来了，然后买了第二张票又进去了。几分钟后他又出来买了第三张票。接着两三分钟后他又出来买票。一个女的问她，“你为什么要买那么多票啊? 你见到了几个朋友？” “没有，我里面没朋友，但是每当我进门的时候一位大的女人老把我的票给剪了”

第三篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事A film crew was on location deep in the desert.One day an old Indian went up to the director and said, “It will rain tomorrow.” The next day it rained.一个电影摄制组在沙漠深处进行拍摄。一天，一个印度老人来到导演面前对他说：“明天会下雨。”第二天果然下雨了。

A week later, the Indian went up to the director again and said, “There will be a storm tomorrow.” The next day there was a storm.一周以后，印度人又来了，他告诉导演说：“明天会有暴风雨。”果然，第二天有暴风雨。

“This Indian is incredible,” said the director.He told his secretary to hire the Indian to predict the weather.“这个印度人真神，”导演说。他告诉他的秘书去雇佣这个印度人来预测天气。

However, after several successful predictions, the old Indian didn't show up for two weeks.然而，几次预测天气成功之后，这个印度人连续两周没有露面。

Finally the director sent for him.“I have to shoot an important scene tomorrow,” said the director.“And I'm depending on you.What will the weather be like?” 最后，导演派人把这个印度人请来了。导演对他说：“我明天必须拍摄一个很重要的场景，全都指望你了，明天天气如何啊？” The Indian shrugged his shoulders.“I don't know,” he said.“My radio is broken.” 这个印度人耸了耸肩说道：“我不知道，我的收音机坏了。” 2 Chief is at the wedding 长官在婚礼上

A police stopped a motorist who was speeding on the street.大街上的一个超速驾驶者被警察拦住了。“But officer,” the man said, “I can explain.” “但是警官”这个人说道，“我可以解释的”。

“Just be quiet,” snapped the officer.“I'm going to put you in jail until the chief gets back.” “保持安静”，警察突然说道。“我将把你送往监狱，直到长官回来。

“But ,officer, I ….” “但是，警察，我，，”。

“I said to keep quiet!You are going to jail!” “我说过了保持安静，你要到监狱了。”

A few hours later, the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “You are lucky because the chief is at his daughter's wedding.He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.” 几小时后，警察向监狱里看了看说道“算你运气好，因为我们的长官正在他女儿的婚礼上。他会带着一个愉快的心情回来的。” “Are you sure?” answered the man in the cell.“I'm the groom.” “你确定”在牢房里的这个人说道。“我就是新郎呀”。

1.stop

stop to do sth 是停下手上的事去做另一件事 stop doing sth 是停止手上正在做的事

2.speeding n.超速行驶

speeding在这里作名词使用，表示超速行驶，也可以作speed现在分词，表示加速。eg：So where you headed? Was I speeding too? 你要去哪里？我有超速吗？ 3

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story.Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.“You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?” he began.The children nodded yes.“Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone.He's on the other end, but you can't see him.He is listening though.”

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, “What's his number?”

在电话中交谈

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗？”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么？” 3

She'd rather buy a gift

While on a trip, Mom realized that she had forgotten a present for Dad's birthday.“That's okay,” he said, “The only thing I want is for you to love, honor and obey.” Mom pondered that idea and then replied “I'd rather buy you a gift.”

她宁愿买一件礼物

旅途中，妈妈想起她忘记给爸爸买一件生日礼物。“没关系，”他说，“我最想要的东西是你的爱、忠贞和温顺。”妈妈沉思片刻后回答说，“我宁愿给你买一件礼物。” 4 Honey, said the husband to his wife, I invited a friend home for supper.What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!

I know all that.Then why did you invite a friend for supper?

Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married.亲爱的，丈夫对妻子说：我邀请了一位朋友回家吃晚饭。

什么？你疯了吗？我们的房子乱糟糟的，我很久没有买过东西回来了，所有的碗碟都是脏的，还有，我可不想做一餐累死人的晚饭。

这些我全都知道。

那你为什么还要邀请朋友回来吃晚饭？

因为那个可怜的笨蛋正考虑要结婚呢。5 DID YOUR DAD HELP YOU?

One day, Tim's mathematics teacher looked at his homework and saw that he had got all his sums right.The teacher was very pleased-and rather surprised.He called Tim to his desk and said to him, You got all your homework right this time, Tim.What happened? Did your father help you?

No, sir.He was too busy last night, so I had to do it all myself, said Tim.你爸爸帮你了吗？

一天，蒂姆的数学老师看了他的作业，发现他全做对了。老师很高兴，同时也十分惊讶。他把蒂姆叫到桌前说：蒂姆，你这次的作业全都做对了，怎么回事？你爸爸帮你做了吗？不，先生，我爸爸昨天很忙，我不得不全由自己做了。

第四篇：英语幽默故事

英语幽默故事

Where is the egg? Teacher:Can you make a sentence with the word “egg”? Student:Yes.I ate a piece of cake yesterday.Teacher:Then where is the “egg“? Student:In the cake,Sir.鸡蛋在哪里？

老师：你能用“鸡蛋”一词造句吗？学生：可以。我昨天吃了一块蛋糕。老师：“鸡蛋”在哪？学生：在蛋糕里，先生

Child:My uncle has 1000 men under him.Man:He is really somebody.What does do? Child:A maintenance man in a cemetery 他真是一个大人物

小孩：我叔叔下面有1000个人。

男人：他真是一个大人物。他是干什么的？小孩：墓地守墓人。

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course.He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

Mr.Smith: Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup.Waiter: Yes, sir, I know---it's the heat that kills it.史密斯先生：服务员，我的汤里有一只死苍蝇．

服务员：是的，先生，我知道了，它是被烫死的．

Son: Dad, give me a dime.Father: Son, don't you think you're getting too big to be forever begging for dimes? Son: I guess you're right, Dad, Give me a dollar, will you? 儿子：爸爸，给我一角钱。

父亲：儿子，你不认为你已经长大了，不该再老是一角一角地要钱了(该自立了)，不是吗？

儿子：爸爸，我想你是对的，那给我一块钱行吗？

A little kid fell in love with another little kid, a school mate.Sometimes the kids think they fall in love when they have a crush on someone else in the class, when they‟re eight or ten years old or something like that.So the eight-year-old kid came back home and asked his father, “Father, is it expensive to be married?” And the father said, “Yes, son, it is very expensive.” So the son asked, “How much does it cost?” And the father said, “I don‟t know, son.I‟m still paying.”

有个小孩爱上了另一个小孩，对方是学校的同学。八岁或十岁左右的孩子有时会迷恋班上某个人，然后就以为自己恋爱了。因此这个八岁的小孩回家问他爸爸：「爸爸，结婚很花钱吗？」爸爸说：「是啊，儿子，非常花钱。」儿子又问：「要花多少钱呢？」爸爸说：「我不知道，儿子，我到现在还一直在付钱啊！」

“Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?” “No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it.”

“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”

“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

“I'm sorry，Madam，but I shall have to charge you twenty dollars for pulling your boy's tooth.” “Twenty d ollars!Why，I understand you to say that you charged only four dollars for such work!”

“Yes，but this youngster yelled so terribly that he scared four other patients out of the office.”

“对不起，夫人，为您孩子拔牙我要收取20美元。” “20美元！为什么？不是说好只要4美元。”

“是的，但是你的孩子大喊大叫，把另外四个病人吓跑了。”

TWO： Teacher：We all know that beat causes an object to expand an cold cauese it to contract.Now，can anyone give me a good example?

John：Well，in the summer the days are long，and in the winter the days are short.老师：我们都知道热胀冷缩的道理。现在，谁给我举个例子？

约翰：嗯，在夏天天都长，在冬天天都短。

The lecturer on evolution had been going on for nearly two hours.then he started again, and said he:“Let me ask the evolutionist a question---if we had tails like a baboon, where are they?”

“I'll venture an answer, ” said an old lady.“We have worn them off sitting here so long.”.教进化论的老师已经滔滔不绝地讲了快两个小时，他的话题又来了：“让我向进化论者提个问题——如果我们曾经像狒狒那样长着尾巴，那么现在尾巴到哪里去了？”

“我来试试看，”一位老太太说。

“该是我们在这里坐这么久把它们磨掉了吧。”

A man was going to the house of some rich person.As he went along the road, he saw a box of good apples at the side of the road.He said, “I do not want to eat those apples;for the rich man will give me much food;he will give me very nice food to eat.” Then he took the apples and threw them away into the dust.He went on and came to a river.The river had become very big;so he could not go over it.He waited for some time;then he said, “I cannot go to the rich man's house today, for I cannot get over the river.” He began to go home.He had eaten no food that day.He began to want food.He came to the apples, and he was glad to take them out of the dust and eat them.Do not throw good things away;you may be glad to have them at some other time.【译文】一个人正朝着一个富人的房子走去，当他沿着路走时，在路的一边他发现一箱好苹果，他说：“我不打算吃那些苹果，因为富人会给我更多的食物，他会给我很好吃的东西。”然后他拿起苹果，一把扔到土里去。他继续走，来到河边，河涨水了，因此，他到不了河对岸，他等了一会儿，然后他说：“今天我去不了富人家了，因为我不能渡过河。” 他开始回家，那天他没有吃东西。他就开始去找吃的，他找到苹果，很高兴地把它们从尘土中翻出来吃了。不要把好东西扔掉，换个时候你会觉得它们大有用处。

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A Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”

“I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents more.But why are you so interested in the old woman?” “She is the one who sells the candy.”

好孩子

小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？” “她是个卖糖果的。”

Drunk

One day, a father and his little son were going home.At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions.Now, he asked, “What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?” “Well, my son,” his father replied, “look, there are standing two policemen.If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.”

“But, dad,” the boy said, “ there's only ONE policeman!”

醉酒

一天，父亲与小儿子一块儿回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，„醉‟字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸，”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”

Sleeping Pills

Bob was having trouble getting to sleep at night.He went to see his doctor, who prescribed some extra-strong sleeping pills.Sunday night Bob took the pills, slept well and was awake before he heard the alarm.He took his time getting to the office, strolled in and said to his boss: “I didn't have a bit of trouble getting up this morning.”

“That's fine,” roared the boss, “but where were you Monday and Tuesday?”

安眠药

鲍勃晚上失眠。他去看医生，医生给他开了一些强力安眠药。

星期天晚上鲍勃吃了药，睡得很好，在闹钟响之前就醒了过来。他到了办公室，遛达进去，对老板说：“我今天早上起床一点麻烦都没有。” “好啊!”老板吼道，“那你星期一和星期二到哪儿去了？”

普通英语故事

Story 1 I Don‟t Like Her

Bob goes to a new school.One day he comes back, “Bob, do you like your new teacher?” his mother asks.“I don‟t like her, Mother.Because first she says that three and three is six, and then she says that two and four is six, too.” 故事1 我不喜欢她

鲍勃的去了所新学校。

一天，他回到家，他妈妈问他：“你喜欢你的新老师吗？”

“不，我不喜欢她，妈妈。因为她先说3加3等于6，然后她又说2加4等于6.”

Story 2 Ten Candies

Mother asks her son, “Jim, if you have ten candies, and you eat four, then how many candles do you have?”

“Ten.” Jim says.“Then,” Mother asks.“Yes, Mum.Four candles are in my stomach and six candies are out of my stomach.Four and six is ten, isn‟t it right?”

故事2 十块糖

妈妈问儿子：“吉姆，如果你有10块糖，吃了4块，那你还有几块糖？”

“10块。”吉姆说。

“10块？”妈妈问。

“是的，妈妈。因为4块在我的肚子里面，6块在肚子外面，4加6等于10，不对吗？”

Story 3 Count Tomorrow Morning

It‟s a right.John is looking at the sky.Tom is John‟s younger brother.He asks John “What are you doing?”

John says, “I‟m counting stars.”

Tom laughs and says, “It‟s really dark now.Why not count them tomorrow morning?”

故事3 明天早上数

这是一个晚上。约翰抬头看着天空。

汤姆是约翰的弟弟。他问约翰：“你在干什么？” 约翰说：“我在数星星。”

汤姆笑着说：“现在天空太黑了。你为什么不等到明天早上再数呢？”

Story 4

Are Flies Yummy?

Tony and his father are eating dinner.Suddenly Tony asks his father, “Dad, are flies yummy?”

Dad frowns and says, “No, I think it‟s yucky.Why do you ask me this question? It‟s a silly question.”

But Tony says, “ There was one fly in your plate.”

故事4 苍蝇好吃吗？

托尼正和他爸爸一起吃晚餐。

突然，托尼问他的爸爸：“爸爸，苍蝇好吃吗？”

爸爸皱眉说：“我想不好吃。你怎么会问这个问题？这可是一个愚蠢的问题。”

可是托尼说：“刚才你盘子里有一只苍蝇。”

Story 5 I Don‟t Want to Walk Home

Tom is a very old man.After dinner, he likes walking in the street.And he goes to bed at seven o‟clock.But tonight, a car stopped at his house.A policeman helps him get out.He tells Tom‟s wife, “The old man couldn‟t find his way in the street.He asked me to take him in the car.”

After the policeman leaves there, his wife asks, “Tom, you go to the street every night.But tonight you can‟t find the way, what‟s the matter?”

The old man smiles like a child and says, “I couldn‟t find my way? I didn‟t want to walk home.”

故事5 我不想走回家

汤姆是一位老人，他喜欢在晚饭后到大街上散步，在7点回来睡觉。

但是，今天晚上一辆小汽车停在他家门前，汤姆在一位警察的帮助下走下汽车。警察告诉汤姆的妻子：“这位老人在街上迷路了，他让我用汽车送他回来。”

警察走后：“汤姆，你每天都到那条街上散步，但是今天你迷路了，你怎么了？”

这位老人像孩子般的笑道：“我迷路了？我是不想走路回家。”

Story 6 It Must Be Crowded A teacher is telling his students, “The moon is very large.Several millions people can live there.”

And a boy laughs and says, “It must get crowded when it‟s a crescent moon.” 故事6 一定很拥挤

一位告诉学生：“月亮非常大，上面能住几百人。”

一个男孩笑着说：“当月亮变成月牙的时候，住在上面的人该多拥挤啊！”

Story 7 It‟s Good to Admit a Fault

John is not a “good” student.He always sleeps in the class.Today he sleeps again.“John!” Teacher says angrily.“What? What‟s wrong?” John is awaken.“Why do you make a face? It‟s classroom.Look!Everyone is laughing.” Teacher says.“No one is laughing.” Teacher says.“No, it‟s not me.I was not making a face.I was sleeping.” John fells upset.“Um.Not bad.You can admit your fault.You are still a good boy.” Teacher is satisfied with it.故事 7 认错

约翰并不是个“好”学生。他总是在上课的时候睡觉。今天他又睡着了。

“约翰！”老师生气地喊他。“什么？出什么事了？”约翰醒了。

“你为什么要做鬼脸？这是教室！看看！同学们都在笑！”老师生气地说。“没有人在笑呀。”其他同学笑声地嘀咕。

“不，不是我。我没有做鬼脸。刚才我睡着了。”约翰感到不安。“嗯，还不错。你承认自己的错误，还是给好孩子”老师为此感到满意。

Story 8

Adding Feet to a Snake

One day, Mr.Lion holds a party.Many animals come and drink a lot of wine.At last there is a pot of wine.Who can drink it? They drink out an idea and decide to have a match-Draw a snake.If you finish first, you can get it.Soon Mr.Wolf finishes drawing.“Yeah, I‟ve finished.I‟m No.1,” he says.But he draws again and says, “Oh, let me add feet and my snake.” At the time, Mr.Gorilla also finishes.He takes away the pot of wine and drinks, then he says, “That isn‟t a snake.Snakes have no feet.I get the wine.”

故事8

画蛇添足

一天，狮子先生举行一场聚会，许多动物都来了，他们喝很多酒。最后只剩一壶酒了。让谁喝呢？它们想了想，有个主意。它们比赛画蛇，谁最快画好，谁就喝这壶酒。

不一会，狼先生画好了。“哈，我画好了，我是第一个。”它说。可是它又画了起来，它还说：“再给它加几只脚吧。”这是猩猩先生也画好了。它拿起那酒壶喝起来。一边喝一边说：“那不是蛇，蛇是没有脚的，我赢了这壶酒。”

Story 9

Covering One‟s Ears While Stealing a Bell

Mr.Wang thinks he is clever, but he always does foolish things.One day he sees a beautiful bell at the top of a door.“Oh!How nice!I will take it home.” He thinks, “What can I do?” After a while he has a “good” idea.“Aha!I have an idea now.I can plug my ears.Then I will not hear the ring when I take off the bell.”

Then he does so.But as soon as he takes off the bell, the owner opens the door.“What ate you doing?” the owner says angrily.故事9 掩耳盗铃

王先生总以为自己很聪明，实际上他总干傻事。

一天，他看见一户人家的门头有个很漂亮的铃铛。“啊，真漂亮啊！我要把它拿回家去。”他自言自语道：“我该怎么做呢？”过了一会儿他想到了一个“好”主意。“啊哈！我有办法了！我把耳朵堵上，拿铃铛的时候就听不见铃声了。”

于是他就这样做了。可是他刚拿下铃铛，屋子的主人就打开门，怒气冲冲地说：“你在干什么？”

Story 10

Adding Eyes to a Dragon Mr.Li is a good painter.One day he draws a beautiful dragon without eyes.Mr.Zhou looks at the picture and says, “The dragon has no eyes.It isn‟t a good picture.”

But Mr.Li smiles and says, “If I add eyes to the dragon, it will fly away.”

Mr.Zhou shakes head and says, “You are boasting.I don‟t believe you.”

Mr.Li isn‟t angry.He holds the paintbrush and adds eyes to the dragon.Woe!The dragon really flies.故事 10 画龙点睛

李先生是位很好的画家。一天画了一条栩栩如生的龙，但是这只龙没有眼睛。

周先生见了说：“这条龙没有眼睛。这不算一张好画。”

可是李先生笑着说：“如果我给它加上眼睛，它就会飞走了。”

周先生摇头说：“你吹牛。我不相信。”

李先生也不生气，只是拿起笔给龙点上眼睛。哇！龙真的飞走了。

Story 11

Lord Ye‟s Love of the Dragon

There is a young man, Lord Ye.He likes dragons vey much.He draws many dragons in his house.The house becomes a world of dragon.A red dragon hears of Lord Ye, and is deeply moved.He wants to visit Lord Ye and makes a friend with him.“Hi, Mr.Ye!Nice to meet you,” the real dragon comes to visit Mr.Ye runs away as fast he can.“Oh, my God!Help!Help!” he runs and shouts.”

故事11

叶公好龙

有个年轻人，姓叶，非常喜欢龙.他在屋里里面了许多许多龙。这屋子都快成了龙的世界。

一龙真龙听说了叶公的事，很受感动，就想去拜访叶公，和他交个朋友。

“嘿。叶先生！很高兴见到你。”这条真龙拜访叶先生了。可是叶先生飞快地逃了。忒边跑边喊：“啊，我的天啊！救命！救命！”

Story 12

I Made Granny Glad

A teacher is telling her students the importance of making others glad.“Now, children,” she says“Did you make someone else glad?”

“Please, teacher,” says a small boy, “I made someone glad yesterday.” “Well done.Who was that?” The teacher says.“My granny.” The boy says.“Good boy.Now tell us how you made your grandmother glad.” The teacher says.“I went to see her yesterday, and stayed with her for three hours.Then I said to her, „Granny, I‟m going home.‟ And she said, “well.I‟m glad!”

故事12 我让奶奶高兴了

一位教师正在对学生将使人高兴的重要性。“听着，孩子们，”他说：“你们曾让别人高兴过吗？”

“我，老师，”一个男孩子说，“昨天我就使别人高兴过。” “做得好。是谁呢？”老师说。“我奶奶。”小男孩说。

“好孩子。现在告诉我们，你是怎样使你奶奶高兴的？”老师问道。

“是这样的，老师。昨天我去看她，在她那儿呆了3个小时。然后我对她说：“奶奶，我要回家了。”她说：“啊，我很高兴。”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，欢迎访问：http://www.teniu.cc/alo777 Story 13 Look at the Sky from the Bottom of a Well

There is a frog.He lives in a well and he never goes out of the well.He thinks the sky is as big as the mouth of the well.One day a crow comes to the well.He sees the frog and says, “Frog, let‟s have a talk.” Then the frog asks, “Where are you from?” “I fly from the sky,” the crow says.The frog feels surprised and says, “The sky is only as big as the mouth of the well.How do you fly from the sky?”

The crow says, “The sky is very big.You always stay in the well, so you don‟t know the world is big.”

The frog says, “I don‟t believe.” But the crow says, “You can come out and have a look by yourself.”

So the frog comes out from the well.He is very surprised.How big the world is!

故事13 坐井观天

有一只青蛙住在井底，他从来没有去过井外面。他以为天空就和井口一样大。一天，一只乌鸦飞到井边，看见青蛙，就对它说：“青蛙，咱们聊聊吧。”青蛙就问他：“你从哪里来？”“我从天上上来。青蛙惊讶了，就说：“天空就只有这井口这么大，你怎么会从天上飞老呢？”

乌鸦说：“天空很大。只不过你一直呆在井里，所有不知道世界很大。”青蛙说：“我不相信。”乌鸦说：“你可以出来，自己看看嘛。” 于是青蛙来到井外。他十分惊讶，原来世界这么大！

Story 14 I can‟t Cook It

It‟s sunny day in spring.Miss Cat is fishing.Suddenly the fishing rod moves.“Great!Oh, it‟s so heavy!” Miss Cat says happily.The fish is plucked out of the river.“Oh, a big fish!How big the fish is!” She cheers.But she puts the fish into the river and goes on fishing.At the time Mr.House goes by and sees it.“What do you set it free?” He asks.“Because my pot is too small.I can‟t cook it,” Miss Cat says.故事14 我没法煮它

这是春天里一个阳光明媚的日子，猫小姐在河边钓鱼。突然鱼竿动了动。“太棒了！哇，好重啊！”猫小姐高兴地喊着。

鱼被拉出来了。“啊！一条大鱼！这条大鱼可真大呀！”她欢呼道。但是她却把鱼放回河里，又继续钓鱼。

这时候马先生路过，看见这一切，就问她：“为什么你把鱼放了？” “因为我的锅太小。我没办法烧这么大的鱼。”猫小姐回答说。

Story 15

That Is Not My Dog!

A woman walks into a pet shop and sees a cute little dog.She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”

The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bit.”

The woman tries to pet the dog and the dog bites her.“Ouch!” She says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”

故事15

那不是我的狗

一个妇人走进一家宠物店，看见一只很可爱的小狗。她问店主：“你的狗咬人吗？”

店主说：“不，我的狗不咬人。”

于是这个妇人试着抚摸小狗，可是小狗却咬了她。“哎哟！”妇人说，“我想你刚才还说你的狗不咬人。” 店主人回答说：“那不是我的狗。”

Story

Wrong

Mark‟s favorite cup is broken, and he feels unhappy.Susan sees and asks him, “ You look sad.What‟s the matter?”

Mark says, “There is something wrong with my cup.”

Susan says, “Don‟t worry.I can repair it.”

Mark feels surprised and asks, “Repair? You can repair it? You?”

“Yes.Believe me!Where is it?” Susan answers.“Here.My cup is broken.Are you sure you can repair it?” Mark takes out his cuo.故事16 误会

马克最喜欢的杯子了，他很不开心。苏珊看见了就问他：“你看上去不太开心。怎么了？”

苏珊说：“别担心。我会补好它的。”

马克听了感到奇怪，就问她：“补？你会补？真的吗？”

“没错。相信我。在哪里呢？”苏珊说。

“这儿。我的cup破了。你确信补好它吗？”马克拿出了杯子。

“cup？你以为是cap.”苏珊说道。说完他俩都笑了。

Story 17

My “Clever” Dog

Bobby is my dog.I love him.He can roll on the floor.He can play balls with me.He can look after my house when I am out.Bobby is very clever.But sometimes he isn‟t.One day Bobby runs away.He is out for three days.After he comes back, I tie him to a tree and give him some food.Bobby begins to eat.But then he stops.He sees a fox.The fox is looking at his food.Bobby barks and barks.He wants to catch the fox.But he can‟t.The fox runs round the tree.Bobby runs after the fox.So the rope goes ground the tree.Of course Bobby can‟t run.The doc can eat the food.Quickly she eats up the food and runs away.故事17

我“聪明“的狗

巴比是我的狗。我很爱他。他会在地板上打滚。他会和我玩球。他能在外出的时候帮我看家。巴比很聪明，可是有些时候他也不聪明。

一天，巴比跑了出去，3天没回家。他回来后，我把他拴在一棵树上，给他一些食物。巴比吃着食物，但是又停了下来。他看见一只狐狸。这只狐狸正盯着他的食物。巴比朝狐狸一个劲地叫。他想抓住狐狸。但是他办不到。狐狸喀什绕着树跑，巴比就追着它跑。于是绳子就绕在了数上。当然巴比就跑不开了。那只狐狸跑去吃他的食物。很快就吃光了所有食物，而后跑走了。

Story 18 Snow White

Snow White is born on a cold winter day.She is as white as snow.Her eyes are very big, her hair very long and her voice is sweet.She is very kind and beautiful.Everyone loves her.Her mummy, the Queen loves her, too.But she died.A new Queen comes.She is beautiful, but bad.She doesn‟t like Snow White, because Snow White is the most beautiful girl in the world.“I will kill Snow White.” So she orders a hunter to kill Snow White.The hunter is an honest man.“You are a good girl;I don‟t want to kill you.” So he lets Snow White go.Snow White goes into a forest.She finds a house, and goes into the house.Seven dwarfs live there.They like Snow White, and ask Snow White to live with them.No sooner, the new Queen dies.Because she isn‟t the most beautiful woman in the world.故事 18 白雪公主

白雪公主出生在一个寒冷的冬天，因此她像雪一样洁白无瑕。她又两只大眼晴，有漂亮的长头发和甜蜜的声音。她又善良又美丽。每个人都很喜欢她。她妈妈——皇后也爱她，但她死了。

一位新皇后来了，她很漂亮但很恶毒。她不喜欢白雪公主，因为白雪公主是世界上最美丽的女孩。

“我一定要杀死白雪公主。“因此，她命令一位猎人去杀白雪公主。这位猎人是一个诚实的人。“你是一个好姑娘，我不想杀你。”所有他放走了白雪公主。

白雪公主走进一片森林，她发现了一个房子，并且走进了房子。七个小矮人住在房子里。他们很喜欢白雪公主并留她一起住下来了。

不久，女皇死了，因为她不是世界上最美丽的人。

Story 19

The Clever King Solomon

Long, long ago, there was a king.Solomon was his name.He was very clever.In his country, there were two women.They lived in the same house and each had a child.One night, one of the babies died.The dead baby‟s mother took the other woman‟s baby, and put it in her own bed.The next morning , they had a quarrel.“No, this is my baby!” The dead is yours!”

Each one wanted the living baby.So they went to see King Solomon.“Bring me a knife, cut the child into two and five each woman one half.” said the King.“Oh.Your Majesty!Give her my baby.Please don‟t kill my baby!”

Then King Solomon pointed to the woman in teas and said, “Give the baby to her.She is the mother.”

故事19 聪明的国王所罗门

很久很久之前，有一位国王，他的名字叫所罗门，他非常聪明。

在他的国家里，有两位妇女，她们住在同一间房子里。各有一个婴儿。

一天夜里，其中一个婴儿死了。他的妈妈抱另一位妇女的小孩，把他放在自己的床上。

第二天早上，他们发生了争吵。

“不，这是我的孩子！这个死的是你的！”

他们都想要这个活着的孩子，于是她们去见所罗门国王。“给我拿把刀来，把这个孩子切成两半，没人一半。”国王判决道。“哦，陛下，把我的孩子给她吧。请不要杀了我的孩子！”一位母亲哭喊道。于是所罗门指着流泪的妇女说：“把孩子给她，她是真正的母亲。”

Story 20

Catching a Thief

Witty Hare can run very fast.One day when he gets home.He sees a rat.The rat is jumping down his window.“Oh.A thief!” Witty Hare shouted and catches the rat, “You can‟t run faster then me.” Soon Witty Hare catches up with the rat, and the rat is left behind, “I must run away,‟ the rat says and laughs, “He is so silly.”

Witty Hare goes on running.A sheep sees him and asks him, “What a re you doing?” “I‟m catching the thief.” Witty Hare says.“ Thief? Where‟s the thief?” the sheep fells surprised.“He‟s behind me ,”Witty Hare says proudly.故事20

追贼

机灵的肚子跑得很快。一天，她回到家的时候看见一只老鼠。这只老师正从它家的窗户跳下去。“啊！贼！”机灵肚子喊着追过去。“你跑不过我的！” 不一会它追上了老鼠，还把老鼠丢在后面。“我得赶紧逃。”老鼠窃笑着说：“这家伙真笨。”

机灵兔子继续跑着。一只绵羊看到了就问塔：“你在干什么？”“我在追贼。”机灵兔子说。“贼？贼在哪里啊？”绵羊感到奇怪。“它在我后面呢。”机灵兔子自豪地说着。

Story 21

A Clever Panda

A little panda picks up a pumpkin and wants to take it home.But the pumpkin is too big.The panda can‟t take it home.Suddenly she sees a bear riding a bike toward her.She watches the bike.“I know!I have a good idea.” she jumps and shouts happily, “I can roll a pumpkin.It‟s like a wheel.”

So she rolls the pumpkin to her home.When her mother sees the big pumpkin, she is surprised, “Oh, my God!How can you carry it home?” the little panda answers proudly, “I can‟t lift it, but I can roll it.” Her mother smiled and says，“What a clever girl!Use you heard to do something,”

故事21

聪明的熊猫

一只小熊猫摘了一只大南瓜，想把它拿回家。但是这只南瓜太大了，她没有办法把这么大的南瓜带回家。

突然她看见一只狗熊骑着一辆自行车朝她这边来。她看着自行车，跳着说：“有了！我有办法了。我可以把南瓜滚回家去。南瓜好像车轮。

于是她把那瓜滚回家。当她妈妈看到这只大南瓜的时候，很惊讶：“天啊！这么食的南瓜！你是怎么把它带回家来的？”小熊猫自豪地说；“我拎不动它，可是我能滚动它啊！”她妈妈微笑着说：“真聪明啊！记住：只要你肯动脑筋，没有难办的事。”

Story 22

The Ox and the Dog

An ox and a dog serve for the same farmer.One day the dog arrogantly says: “How grand I am!In the daytime, I watch out for the cattle in the meadows;at night, I guard the house.But you…” “Me? How about me ?” the ox says “You can only plough or draw a cart,” the dog slightly says.“Yes.It‟s true,” the ox says.“But if I don‟t plough, what do you guard?”

故事22 牛和狗

一头牛和一只狗同时为一个农夫工作。

一天，狗骄傲地说着；„我是多么重要啊！白天我在牧场看护家群，晚上我看家。而你呢…..?”

“我？我怎么啦？“ 牛反问。

“你只会犁地或是拉扯。”狗不懈地说。

“是的。你说得没有错，”牛回答道。“但是如果没有我犁地，你看护什么呢？”

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，欢迎访问：http://www.teniu.cc/alo777 Story 23 Go to the Cinema

A lorry driver, David is driving 200 penguins to London Zoo.But his lorry breaks down on the motorway, when another lorry driver, Robert stops in the front of him, David asks for help, and explains that he is taking the penguins to the zoo.Robert says, “Ok.I can help you.”

Some hours later, Robert drivers back and passes David.David is still on the lorry, and look happy.“I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo.” David says.Robert replies, “I did, but I had some money left, so I‟m going to the cinema now.”

故事23

去电影院

一个叫戴维的货车司机载着200只企鹅去伦敦动物园。可是他的车在高速公路上坏了。当一辆货车停在他面前的时候，戴维向司机罗珀特求救，并且解释自己要送这些企鹅去伦敦动物园。罗珀特说：“行，我帮你。”

几个小时过后，罗珀特又回来了，并经过戴维生病，戴维还等在高速公路上。那些企鹅也还在车上，特高兴的样子。

“我想我告诉过你吧这些企鹅送进动物园的。”戴维说。罗珀特回答说：“是的，我去了。但是我的钱包丢在电影院了，所有我现在要回那里去。”

Story 24

Wolf Is Coming

There is a naughty boy in a village.He likes telling lies.One day he wants to make fun of the farmers.So he shouts, “Wolf!Wolf!Wolf is coming!” The kind farmers are working in the field.They hear the shout, and hurry to help the boy.But when get there, the boy says: “There isn‟t a wolf.I‟m joking.The farers are angry and go back to their field.After a while the biy shouts again, “Wolf!Wolf!Wolf is coming!” And the farmers come and are cheated again.The boy laughs and laughs.They say, “You tell lies.We will not believe you.”

Later a wolf really comes.The boy is very scared.“Wolf!Wolf!Wolf is coming!” the boy shouts and shouts.“Help!Help!” But no one comes.And wolf eats the naughty boy.故事24

狼来了

村子里有个淘气的小男孩，他喜欢撒谎。一天，他想捉弄村名，就大喊：“狼来了！狼来了！” 善良的村民们正在地里干活，听到喊声，赶快去救他。俄式他们到了那里，男孩说：“没有狼。我跟你们开完先的。”村民很生气，回到田里。不一会，那孩子大喊：狼来了！狼来了！”村民来了，却再次被欺骗。男孩开心地大笑，村民们说：“你说谎。我们再也不会相信你了。”

后来狼真的来了。男孩十分害怕。“狼来了！狼来了！”他大声呼喊，“救命啊！救命！”但是没人来。结果这个淘气的男孩被狼吃了。

Story 25 Change Name

Tom is 16.he decides to leave home and joins a music company.His father hears that and angry, “Singer? My son? It‟s disgrace!” he shouts, “What do they think of the neighbors know?”

“I will change my name,” Tom says.He thinks he will become a singer in the future.“Change your name?” Tom‟s father shouts angrily, “What if you‟re successful? How will the neighbors know you are my son.?” 故事25

改名字

汤姆16岁了。她决定离家参加一个唱片公司。他父亲听后很生气：“唱歌？我的儿子啊！真丢脸。”他大喊，“要是邻居们知道，他们会怎么想？”

“我会改名字的。”汤姆说。他认为自己将来会成为一名歌手。

“改名字？”汤姆的父亲生气地说，“如果你成名了怎么？邻居们怎么知道你是我的儿子？”

Story 26 Three Little Pigs and a Big Wolf Once, a mother pig sent her three little children into the world.They needed to look after themselves.The first pig found some straw, and he built a fine house with straw, and he built a fine house with straw.The second pig built a house with wood.The third pig built a house with stone.One day, a wolf came to straw house, he was hungry.“Little pig let me in!I‟m your brother.” “No, no!You are a wolf.”

Then the wolf blew down the straw house.The first pig ran to the wooden house.Then the wolf came to the wooden house, too.The two pigs ran to the stone house.The wolf came and blew the stone house.He blew and blew, but the house didn‟t fall down.Then wolf was angry, he climbed to the roof and jumped down the chimney.The wolf fell into the pot!Ouch!He ran away.The three little pigs lived happily.故事26

从前，猪妈妈把她的三个小孩打发出去，因为他们需要学会照顾自己。第一只小猪找到一些稻草，他盖了一座漂亮的草房子。第一只小猪盖了一座木头房子。第二只小猪了盖了一座石头房子。

一天，一只大灰狼来到草房前，他十分饥饿。“小猪，让我进去，我是我你兄弟。” “不，不，你是大灰狼。”

然后大灰狼就把草屋吹倒了，第一只小猪逃到了木头屋子里。

然后狼来到木头前，他吹呀吹可是吹不倒石头房子。狼发怒了，他爬上了屋顶并从烟囱往下跳。

在烟囱下面的火炉上有一锅水。三只小猪用大火把得很烫。狼掉进了锅里！哎呀！他逃走了？三只小猪从此过着快乐的生活。

Story 27 The Wolf and the Crane

There is a bad wolf in the forest.One day he is eating a lamb.Suddenly a bone sticks in his throat.“Oh, a bone is my throat.” He goes to see a doctor, “Please help me.” The doctor, Mr.Panda says, “Sorry, I can‟t help you.The bone is inside.”

“What can I do?” the wolf is sad.Then he meets a crane.“Oh, dear crane.Please help me.A bone is in my throat.I will pay for your help.”

“Ok.Let me have a try,” the crane says.She pulls out the bone with her bill.“Now I will go.Remember your words.You should pay me,” she says.“Well.Pay you.I remember,” the wolf says.With the words, the wolf bites off the crane‟s neck and eats her up.故事27

狼与鹤

森林里有一只很坏的狼。一天，他正在吃一只羊羔.突然一根骨头卡在他的喉咙里了。

“哎呀，一根骨头卡在我的喉咙里了。”他赶忙去看医生，“请帮帮我吧。”医生熊猫先生说：“很抱歉，我帮不了你。骨头卡在里面。”

“我该怎么办啊？”狼伤心。后来他遇到一只鹤。“亲爱的鹤小姐，请救救我吧，一根头卡在我的喉咙里了。我会给你报酬的。”

“好吧。我试试看。”鹤小姐说。她用她的长嘴把骨头拉了出来。“现在我要走了。记住你的话，你该给我报酬的。”

“好的，给你报酬。”狼突然说，突然咬住鹤的长脖子，把她吃了。

Story 28 A Friend in Need Is a Friend Indeed

Jack and Ben are good friends.One day, they explore a forest together.When they go deep into the forest, suddenly they hear a sound.“What‟s that? The sound is so terrible.” Ben says.“Oh!Bear!Look!A bear!” Jack says and climbs quickly on a tall tree.Ben tries to climb on the tree.But he can‟t.“What can I do? Help me please!“Ben says to Jack.But Jack does nothing.The bear is coming.Ben lies down quickly and pretends to die.The bear looks at Ben and walking around him.Ben holds his breath.The bear smells Ben and thinks he‟s dying, and then the bear goes away.When Jack sees the bear going far, he slides down from the tree and wakes Ben.“What did the Bear whisper to you?” Jack asks Ben.“Why didn‟t you help me? Have you not heard the sentence: A friend in need is a friend indeed?” Ben shouted.故事28

患难见真情

杰克和本是一对好朋友。一天，他俩结伴去森林探险。当他们深入森林时，突然听到一个声音。

“那是什么？这声音真恐怖。”本说。

“啊！是熊！快看！熊！”杰克边说边迅速爬到身旁的颗大树上。

本试着爬在树上，可是他做不到。“我怎么办啊？快帮帮我？”本朝杰克喊道。可是杰克什么也没有做。

熊来了。本赶快躺在地上装死。熊看看本。绕着他走了儿圈。本赶忙屏住呼吸。熊又低下头闻了本，以为他死了，然后就走开了。

杰克看到熊走远了，他才滑下树来，叫醒本。“熊刚才跟你说什么了？“杰克好奇地文本。

“你刚才为什么不帮我？难道你没有听对患难见真情这句话吗？”本大声喊道。

Story 29

A Clever Hare

Billy hare is hungry and finds a radish.What he picks it up, Mr.Fox is behind him and wants to eat him.“I‟m hungry, too.You‟ve my dinner.I‟m going to eat you,” ha says.Billy Hare is shocked, but he isn‟t scared.He says, “Follow me.I have better food for you.” They go to a well.“Look down here,” Billy Hare says “There is something in the water.“What‟s that?” Mr.Fox asks surprisingly.“It‟s a big and fat hen.Let‟s get down and fetch it.” Billy Hare says and gets down with a pail.“Can you out the hen into the pail?” Mr.Fox shouts.“No.She‟s too big,” Billy Hare says, “Come down, please.We can take her up together.Jump into the other pail.”

Mr.Fox does so.When he gets down, Billy Hare gets up.“Good-bye!” Billy Hare gets down, Billy Hare gets out of the well and says.Mr.Fox can‟t get out.故事29

聪明的野兔

野兔比利很饿，他找到了一只萝卜。当他捡起萝卜的时候，狐狸先生正在他的生后，想吃了他。“我也饿了。你是我的晚餐，我要吃了你。”狐狸说。

比利很吃惊，但是他并不害怕。他说：“跟我来，我有更好的食物给你。”

他们来来一口井边。

“朝这下面看，”比利说，“水里有东西。”“是什么呀？”狐狸先生好奇地问：“那是一只有大又费肥的母亲。我们下去把她捉上来。”比利说着，乘一只水桶下去了。

“你能把鸡放进桶里里。”狐狸问他：“不行，这只鸡太大了，”比利说，“下来吧。我们可以一起把它捉上去。快掉到另一只水桶里吧。”

狐狸照做了。当他下去的时候，比利就上来了。“再见。”比利从井里出来时说。而狐狸却出不来了。

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Story 30 Father‟s Things

When Peter is 17, he is as tall as his father.So he begins to borrow his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his father‟s clothes when he wants to go out with his friends in the evening.Father doesn‟t like this.And he always gets very angry when he finds his son wearing any of his things.One evening when Peter is about to go out;his father stops him in the living room.He looks at Peter‟s clothes very carefully.Then he says angrily, “Isn‟t that one of my ties, Peter?”

“Yes, Father, it is,” answers Peter.“And that shirt is mine, too.”

“Yes, that‟s your, too.” answers Peter.“And you‟re wearing my belt!”

“Yes, I am, Father,” answers Peter, “You don‟t want to your trousers to fall down, do you?”

故事30

父母的东西

皮特17岁的时候，长得和父亲一样高了。于是，当他晚上和朋友一起出去时，就开始借父亲的衣服穿。可是这位父亲可不喜欢这样，当他发现他的儿子穿他的衣服时，总是非常生气。

一天晚上，皮特准备出去，父亲在客厅里拦住了他。父亲细细打量着皮特的穿着。然后气呼呼的说着；“皮特，那不是我的领带吗？”

皮特回答说：“是的，父亲，是您的领带。” “还有那衬衫也是我的。”

“是的，衬衫也是您的。”皮特回答说。“还有呢，你连皮带也用我的。”父亲说。

“是的，父亲，”皮特回答说，“您不愿意让您的裤子掉下来吧？”

Story 31

The Thirsty Dog

A dog is very thirsty.But he only sees some empty pails.There is no water in them.The dog goes on looking for water.He comes to a small house.There is a girl in it.The girl goes out with a pail.“She goes to a well,” the dog thinks and follows her.The dog is right.The girl comes to a well and puts down the pail, and the pail is full of water, there the girl goes back to her house.“ Water!Great!” the dog says and runs to the well.He jumps into the well without thought.”

The water is good.The dog is happy and drinks much.But he can‟t jump out of the well.He waits and waits.But no one comes.“I‟m hungry now.I must go out,” he thinks.At the time a thirsty goat comes to the well.He looks at the water and the dog.“Is the water good?” the goat asks.“ Of course.Come down,” the dog says.Then the goat jumps into the well, too.Then dog is happy.He jumps on the goat‟s back and jumps out of the well.The dog has a look at the goat and says, “Goodbye!” Then he leaves.故事31 一只口渴的狗

有一只狗口很渴，他只找到一些空空的水桶，里面没有水。他继续找水。他来到一座小房子前面。房子里住着一个小姑娘。小姑娘拎着只水桶出来了。“她要去打水。”狗想道，并跟在她后面。果然不错，小姑娘来到一口井边，把水桶放入井里，水桶水满了。然后小姑娘回去了。

“水！太好了！”狗叫着跑过去。他想也没想就跳下井去了。

井水真的不错。狗可高兴了。喝了许多水，但是他没有办法跳出来了。他等了好久，但是没有人来。“我饿了，我得出去。”他想着。

这时候一只口渴的山羊到井边来了，他看了看井水和这只狗。“这水好和吗？”山羊问狗：“当然了。快下来吧。“狗回答说。于是山羊也跳到井里了。狗高兴极了。他跳上山羊的背，又跳出了水井。

狗看了一眼山羊说声：“再见。”就跑开了。

Story 32

A Smart Tortoise

A tiger is hungry, he is looking for food.He sees a frog in front of him.“Ha ha!A frog!My dinner!” so he rushes at the frog.Behind the tiger, there is a tortoise.The little tortoise sees it;he bites the tiger‟s tail.“Ouch!” cries the tiger and he looks back.The frog hears the voice and jumps into water.“Thank you, little tortoise.” says the frog.But the tiger is very angry.“Bother it!I‟ll throw you to the sky!” “Thank you, I like flying in the sky,” says the tortoise.The tiger stops, “I will throw you into the river.”

“Oh,no!I can‟t swim;I will die if you throw me into the water.” The tiger threw the tortoise into the water quickly.“Thank you, Mr.Tiger.Bye-bye.” The tortoise and the frog swim away together.故事32 聪明的乌龟

一只老虎很饥饿，他正在寻找食物。他看到一只青蛙在他前面。“哈哈！一只青蛙，我有晚餐啦！”于是，他补向青蛙。

在老虎的后边，有一只乌龟。小乌龟看见了，他猛咬一下啊老虎的尾巴。“哎呦！”老虎疼得叫起来并回头看看。此时青蛙听见了老虎的声音，他迅速跳进水里。

“谢谢你，小乌龟。”青蛙说。

大事老虎十分愤怒：“讨厌！我要把你扔到天上去。” “谢谢你，我喜欢在天空飞翔。”乌龟说。老虎停下来：“那我就把你扔到到水里。”

“哦，不！我不会游泳，如果你把我扔井水里我会死的。”老虎很快就把乌龟仍进水了。

“谢谢你，老虎先生，再见！”乌龟和青蛙一起游走了。

Story 33 The Rabbit and the Fox

Once there was a naughty rabbit.He likes to play tricks, and it made other animals angry.But it was very different to catch him.One day, a wolf said to a fox, “I have an idea to catch the rabbit.You go back home and get into bed.I‟ll go to the rabbit and tell him that you are dead.If he comes to see you, you‟ll jump up and catch him.”

“Good idea,” said the fox, “I‟ll do that.” Then fox ran home and got into bed.The wolf went to the rabbit‟s house and said, “Mr.Rabbit, have you heard Mr.Fox is dead?” The wolf stood at the door, and then he went away.“Really? I haven‟t heard anything about it.” The rabbit said to himself, so he decided to go and see if it was true.He went to the fox‟s house and looked in through the window.He saw the fox lying in bed.He opened the door and went in.he looked at the fox and said, “Mr.Wolf says Mr.Fox is dead, but he doesn‟t look like a dead fox.A dead fox always open his mouth.”

When the fox heard this, he thought, “I‟ll show him that I am dead.” So he opened his mouth.The rabbit saw the fox open his mouth, and he knew the fox was not dead.He ran out of the house as fast as he could.故事33

兔子和狐狸

以前有一个淘气的兔子，他喜欢恶作剧，这使得其他动物很生气。但是想抓住这是兔子可不容易。

一个，狼对狐狸说：“我想到一个办法可以抓住这只兔子，你回家睡在床上，我去告诉告诉兔子你死了。如果他来看你，你就跳起来抓住它。”

“好主意，”狐狸说，“我按你说的办。“于是狐狸跑回家躺在床上。狼跑到兔子家说： “兔子先生死了的事你听说了吗？”狼站在门口说，然后就走开了。

“真的吗？我怎么没有听说呢。”兔子自言自语地说。于是他决定去看看是不是真的。她来到狐狸的房前并从窗口往里看，他看见狐狸躺在床上。于是，他打开门并走了进去。他看着狐狸说着；“狼先生说狐狸死了，但他不像一只死狐狸，因为死狐狸是张开嘴巴的。”

当狐狸听见这话，他想“我要让他知道我是死的。于是他张开了嘴巴。

兔子看见狐狸张开了嘴巴，他知道狐狸没有死，于是他飞快从房子里跑了出来。

Story 34

The Wolf and the Dog

There is a wolf.He is very hungry and has no strength to find food.As he lies under a large tree, a dog sees him.The dog sees the wolf is so thin and hungry, and he feels sorry for him and says, “You are so terrible!Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” says the wolf, “I‟m hungry because you are guarding the sheep.Now I am so weak that I can‟t find food.I think I will do.”

“Why not help me?” Asks the dog, “I work regularly and I eat regularly.You could do the same.You can help me guard the sleep.In that way, I will not worry about your stealing the sleep, and you will not worry about going hungry.It‟s good for us.The wolf thinks it over and thinks the dog is right.So they walk to the dog‟s house.As they are walking, the wolf sees that only the hair of the dog‟s neck is very thin.He is curious about this.So he asks the dog about it.“Oh, don‟t worry about that,” says the dog, “It‟s the place where the collar ties on the neck.My master chains me up at night,”

“Chained up!” shouts the wolf, “Do you mean that you are chained up at night? If I come to live with you, will I be chained up at night, too?”

“That‟s night,” says the dog, “But, you‟ll get used to it.”

“But, if I am chained up, I won‟t be free.” After saying this, the wolf turns round and runs away.The dog shouts, “Wait!Come back!I‟m not free, but I‟m healthy.I have good food, and a warm place to sleep.I like enjoying life.In fact, I‟m freer than you are.”

故事34

狼和狗

有一只狼，他非常饿，而且饿得没有力气去找吃的了。当他躺在一棵大树下时，一只狗看见了他。看到狼又饿又瘦，狗挺可怜他的：“你看上去真可怕。你很饿啊？“

“是的。”狼说，“我饿是因为你和你的伙伴看守着羊群。现在我弱得没法去找食物。我想我就快要死了。”

“为什么不帮我呢？”狗说，“我们按时工作，准时吃饭。你也行的。你可以帮我看羊群。那样我就不用担心你会来偷羊，你也不用担心挨饿了。这对我们都有好处。”

狼考虑了一下，觉得狗说的对，他们就一起朝狗的屋子走去了。正走着，狼看见口脖子上的毛很少。他觉得好奇，就问狗怎么回事。

“啊，别担心，”狗说，“这是系狗项圈的地方，晚上主人会把我拴起来。”

“拴起来？”狼叫起来，“你是说晚上你会拴起来？如果我去和你住，晚上也会被拴起来？”

“没错，”狗说，“但是你会习惯的。”

“但是，如果被拴起来，我就不自由了。”说完，狼转身跑了。

狗大声喊道：“等等！回来！我是不自由，可是我很健康，我有好的食物，有个温暖的地方睡觉。你太喜欢享受生活了。我其实比你还自由些。”

Story 35

Little Red Riding Hood

Little Red Riding Hood is a lovely girl.She likes red hats.So her mother calls her little Red Riding Hood.Her grandma loves her very much.But now she is ill.Her mother is busy.So she asks little Riding Hood to see her grandma.In the forest, a wolf sees little Red Riding Hood, “Look, little Riding Hood.I have children for lunch, the path goes to her grandma‟s house.”

The wolf comes to grandma‟s house and eats grandma.Then he wears grandma‟s glasses and clothes, and in her bed.After a while, little Red Riding Hood comes to grandma‟s bed.To her surprise, grandma‟s mouth is very big.So she asks: “Grandma, why is your mouth so big?” “I eat little girls with this mouth.” And he rushed at little Red Riding Hood.“Help!Help!” The wolf runs after little Red Riding Hood.At this time, a hunter passes through the house.He shoots the wolf and saves little Red Riding Hood.Then he cuts the wolf and grandma comes out.故事35

小红帽

小红帽是一个可爱的女孩。她喜欢红帽子，于是她妈妈就叫她小红帽。

她的祖母很爱小红帽，但现在她生病了。小红帽的妈妈非常忙，所有她让小红帽去看望祖母。在森林里，一只狼看见了小红帽。“瞧啊！小红帽。午餐有小孩子可以吃啦！这是一条去她祖母家的路。”

狼来到了祖母家并吃掉了祖母。然后他戴上祖母的眼镜，并穿上祖母的衣服并睡在祖母的床上。过了一段时间，小红帽来到了祖母的床前，使她吃惊的是祖母的嘴巴非常大。于是她问：“祖母，为什么你的嘴巴这么大？”“用它来吃小女孩。”狼说这就扑向小红帽。

“救命，救命！狼追着小红帽。正在此时，一个猎人路过这儿，他用枪打死了狼并救出小红帽；然后他剥开狼的兔子，救出祖母。”

Story 36

A Little Ant

Once there was a little ant.She wanted to get married, but she only wanted to marry the strongest creature.She wanted to marry the strongest creature, but she didn‟t know who the strongest creature is.She saw the wind blow houses down.So she thought the wind was the strongest creature.She wanted to marry the wind.But the wind told the little ant that ht wasn‟t the strongest creature.There was a tower in the forest.He had stood there for a thousand years against his force.The tower was the strongest creature.“Why do you want to marry me?” the wind asked.“Because you are the strongest creature in the world.You are strongest than the wind.” said the ant.“You are right.I‟m strongest than the wind.But I‟m not the strongest creature in the world.Look, how I‟m damaged!Can‟t you guess who has done this to me? It‟s you, ants.”

At last, the little ant married her own kind.Because they were the strongest creatures.故事36

一只蚂蚁

从前，有一个小蚂蚁想结婚，但她只想嫁给世界上最强打者。

她想嫁给强大者，但她不知道谁才是最强大者。她看到风把房子吹倒了，于是她认为风是最强大的，她要嫁给风。

可风告诉小蚂蚁，他不是最强大者，林中有一座它塔。他顶住风力耸立了一千年，他才是最强大的。

“为什么你要嫁给我？”塔说。

“因为你是最强大的，你甚至比风还强大。”蚂蚁说。

“你说的对，我是比风强大。但我不是最强大的。瞧，我已被损坏成什么样子了。难道你猜不出来是谁把我损坏成这个样子的吗？是你们蚂蚁啊。”塔说。最后，小蚂蚁嫁给了她的同类，因为他们才是最强大者。

爱乐奇，游世界，学英语，专为5-12岁儿童设计的英语学习网站，欢迎访问：http://www.teniu.cc/alo777 Story 37

Poor George

George is a little monkey.He lives in a deep forest.He likes jumping and climbing trees.He is happy every day.But he has a shortcoming.He is curious.One day an old man goes by the forest.He carries a lot of straw hats.George sees the man, and the man sees George, too.The man says to himself, “What a lovely monkey!I will catch him.I will take him home.”

The man sits down and thinks over.George sees and also sits down.The man has an idea.He puts a hat on his head, and puts other hats on the ground.Then he pretends to sleep.George is curious and looks at the hats.“I will be nice if I put a hat on my head.” George thinks.Then he climbs down from the tree, picks up a hat and puts it on.The hat is too big, and covers George‟s eyes.George can‟t see.And the man gets up at once, rushes out and catches him quickly.Poor George!

故事37

可怜的乔治

乔治是一只小猴子。他住在大森林里。他喜欢在树上跳来跳去，爬上爬下。他整天都乐呵呵的。但是他有个毛病，就是太好奇。

一天，一个老人路过大森林，他带着许多草帽。乔治看见了这个老人，老人也看见他了。；老人自言自语道：“多可爱的猴子啊！我要捉住他，把他带回家去。”

老人坐下来。想着办法。乔治看见了，也坐下来。

不一会老人有个办法，他戴上一顶帽子，又把其他帽子放在地上，然后假装睡觉。

乔治很好奇，看看帽子，心想：“要是我戴上一顶，肯定好看。”于是爬下树，捡起一顶帽子戴在头上。可是帽子太大了，遮住了他的眼睛了。那个老人一下站起来，冲过去，迅速地捉住乔治。

可怜的乔治啊！

Story 38 The Ant and the Dove An ant is walking by the river.He looks at the river and says to himself, “How nice and cool this water looks!I must drink some of it.” But when he is drinking, he slips into the river.“Oh.Help!Help!” The ant cries，A dove is sitting in the tree.She hears him and throws him a leaf, “Climb up that leaf,” she says “and you will float bank.”

The ant climbs uo onto the leaf, and the wind blows the leaf to the bank.And the ant is saved.“Thank you, Dove.You‟re so kind,” The ant says and runs home, “You have saved my life, and I wish I could do something for you, Goodbye!”

“Goodbye!” says the dove, “Be careful.Not to fall into the river again.”

After a few days, the dove is building her nest.And a man is raising his gun to shoot her.The ant sees this, and runs quickly to bite the man‟s leg.“Ouch!Ouch!” The man feels pained and drops his gun.The dove hears and flies away.So the man picks up his gun and leave.The dove comes to her nest.“Thank you, my little friend,” she says, “You have saved my life.”

The little ant is so glad, because he can help the dove.故事38

蚂蚁和鸽子

一只蚂蚁在河边散步。他看见喝水自言自语道：“这河水看上去真清凉啊！我要去喝点。”可是他在喝水的时候，一不小心滑进河里了。

“啊！救命！救命！‟蚂蚁叫喊着。

一只鸽子正呆在树上，听见呼救声，就扔给他一片树叶。“快爬到树叶上去。她说：“你会漂到岸上的。”

“谢谢你，鸽子。你真善良。”蚂蚁一边说一边向家跑，“你就了我的命，我会奥达你的。再见！”

“再见！小心别掉进河里了。”鸽子说。

几天后，鸽子正在筑巢，一个人举着枪要打鸽子。蚂蚁看见了，迅速地跑过去，在那个人的腿上咬了一口。“啊呀！哎呀！”那个人疼得扔掉枪。鸽子听见了，连忙飞走了。那个人只好捡起枪，走了。

鸽子又飞回巢里。“谢谢你，我的小朋友。”鸽子说，“你就了我的命。” 小蚂蚁可高兴了，因为他也帮助了鸽子。

Story 39

The Fisherman and His Wife

Once, there was a fisherman.He had an ugly wife.They were poor.One day, the fisherman caught a goldfish.But the goldfish could talk, “Please let me go!I‟ll reward you.”

“Ok, my God?” cried the fisherman, “Don‟t worry.I have no wish to eat a talking fish.” So he puts it into the water.The fisherman went home and told his wife about it.She became very angry.“How foolish you are!” she said, “Look at the hut.Go back to the sea and tell the fish to give me a cottage.”

So the fisherman went down to the beach.“What‟s the matter?” asked the fish.“My wife wants to cottage.” said the fisherman.“Don‟t worry, she will have it.” So the fisherman‟s wife had her cottage.But after a few days, she became tired of it.“Tell the fish to give me a palace.” she said.Then the fisherman went back to the beach again.And the fisherman‟s wife had her palace.But she soon got tried of it, too.“Ask the fish to be my servant, and I want to be a queen.”

This time, the fish got angry.It said nothing and swam away.The fisherman waited and waited, but the goldfish didn‟t come back.When he went home, he found his wife back in their old hut.故事39

渔夫和他的妻子

从前，有一位渔夫，他又一个很丑的妻子。他们家里很穷。

一天，渔夫捕到一条金鱼。但这条金鱼会说话：“请放我走吧！我会报答你的.” “啊，我的天啊！” 渔夫吃惊地叫道，“别担心，我不会吃一条会说话的鱼的。”于是他把金鱼放进了水里。

渔夫回家并把这件事告诉了他的妻子。妻子非常愤怒。

“你多愚蠢啊！”她说：“看看这个破草屋，到海边去，向金鱼要一间小木屋。” 于是渔夫来到海边。“怎么啦？”金鱼问。

“我的妻子想要一件小木屋。”渔夫说。“别担心，她会有的。”

渔夫的妻子得到了一间小木屋。

但过了几天，她对此感到厌倦了：“告诉金鱼，让它给我一座宫殿。”渔夫又返回海边。他的妻子得到了一座宫殿。

但她很快又对此感到厌倦：“去叫金鱼做我的仆人，我想当女王。” 这次，金鱼变得愤怒了，它一句话也没说就游走了。

渔夫等呀等，但金鱼没有回来。当他回家时，他看见他妻子又回到就茅屋。

Story 40

It‟s Unfair

Linda was a good girl, but she was often late for school.One day, she was late again.When she came in, Mr.Clark, her teacher said angrily, “I‟ll tell you father if you are late again.” Linda didn‟t want him to do that.Because her father was very strict with her.The next morning, Linda got up early.She hurried to school.At the school gate, she heard the first bell, “What shall I do?” she asked herself, “I‟ll turn it in first.” She decided.And so she did.When she hurried into her classroom, Mr.Clack was already beginning his class.“Linda!Didn‟t I tell you to be here on time?” Mr.Clack said as he as her.“I‟m sorry, sir,” Linda tried to explain, “I‟m late because I had to…?”

“I don‟t listen to any excuse,” Mr.Clack stopped her.“If you can‟t get here on time, I have to tell your father.”

“But Mr.Clack.It‟s …it‟s unfair!”

“Unfair!How dare you say that?” Mr.Clack said angrily, “I‟ll report you to the headmaster.“I was only trying to do a good idea,” Linda thought,“and now…” She couldn‟t keep back her tears.When the bell rang for the break, the door opened and Mr.White, the headmaster came in.he was holding a wallet in his hand, “Excuse me, Mr.Clack.Is this your wallet?”

“Oh,yes.It‟s my wallet.Who found it? I must thank him.”

“Linda found it and turned it in before school started.” Mr.Whitesaid.Mr.Clack face slowly turned red.He looked at Linda and said, “I‟m very sorry.Linda.I take back what I said.”

“And I‟m sorry.Mr.Clack.I‟ll try not to be late again.” Linda said.故事40 这是不公平

琳达是一个好女孩，但她经常迟到。

一天，琳达又迟到了。当她进来的时，她的老师克拉克先生生气说：“如果你在迟到，我就通知你爸爸。”琳达不想他那么做，因为她爸爸对她要求很严格。

二天，琳达起床很早。她匆匆向学校走去，在学校大门口，她停下来了。因为地上有一个钱夹。当她站在那儿是，她听见了第一遍铃声，“我该怎么办呢？”她自言自语，“我要先把它交上去。”她下定决定，于是她就是这么做了。

当她匆匆走进教室的时候，克拉克先生已经开始讲课了。“琳达，我没有告诉你早点来吗？”克拉克先生一看到琳达就说，“对不起，先生。”琳达想解释，“我迟到是因为我不得不……”

“我不想听任何借口，“克拉克阻止道, “如果你不能准时到这儿，我不得不告诉你父亲。”

“但是，克拉克先生，这是…..这是不公平的！”

“不公平！你怎么敢那么说！”克拉克先生愤怒的说，“我要把你的事情汇报给校长！”

“我只想做一件好事，”琳达心想，“但是现在……”她的眼泪阻止不住流下来。当下课铃声响起是，教室的门开了，校长怀特先生走了进来。他的手里拿着一个钱夹：“打扰一下，克拉克先生，这是你的钱夹吗？” “哦，是我的。是谁找到的？我一定的谢谢她。” “琳达发现的，并在上课前把它交来了。”怀特先生说。

克拉克先生的脸渐渐红了，他看了看琳达，惭愧地说：“对不起，琳达，我收回我说过的话。”

“我也不对，克拉克先生，我下次尽量不再迟到了。”琳达说。

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第五篇：英语经典幽默故事

My First and My Last When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it.He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.George had a friend.His name was Mark.One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane.Mark thought, “I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go.”

They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, “Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane.” Gerogy was very surprised and said, “Two trips?” “Yes, my first and my last,” answered Mark.第一次与最后一次

乔治35岁时买了架小型飞机，并开始学习驾驶。不久，他就能很娴熟地驾机做各种各样的特技飞行了。

乔治有个朋友名叫马克。一天，乔治主动邀请马克乘他的飞机上天兜一圈。马克心想，“我乘大客机飞行过好几次，还从来没有乘过小飞机，我不妨试一试。”

升空后，乔治飞了有半个小时，在空中做了各种各样的飞行特技。

后来他们着陆了。马克很高兴能够安全返回地面。他用颤抖的声音对他的朋友说：“乔治，非常感谢你让我乘小飞机做了两次飞行。”

乔治非常吃惊地问：“两次飞行？”

“是的，我的第一次和最后一次。”马克答道。First Flight Mr.Johnson had never been up in an aerophane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small phane, Mr.Johnson was very worried about accepting.Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr.Johnson boarded the plane.His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport.Mr.Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, “Look at those people down there.They look as small as ants, don't they?” “Those are ants,” answered his friend.“We're still on the ground.” 第一次坐飞机

约翰逊先生从前未乘过飞机，他读过许多关于飞行事故的报道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀请他乘自己的小飞机飞行时，约翰逊先生非常担心，不敢接受。不过，由于朋友不断保证说飞行是很安全的，约翰逊先生终于被说服了，登上了飞机。

他的朋友启动引擎开始在机场跑道上滑行。约翰逊先生听说飞行中最危险的是起飞与降落，所以他吓得紧闭双眼。

过了一两分钟，他睁开双眼朝窗外望去，接着对朋友说道：“看下面那些人，他们看起来就象蚂蚁一样小，是不是？”

“那些就是蚂蚁，”他的朋友答道，“我们还在地面上。” A Nail Or A Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand.On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail.So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor.When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour.So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.Now the old man entered his room.The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident.When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again!He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength.On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in.To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!钉子还是苍蝇？

一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。

于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。

这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。I'll See to the Rest A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.“Come on, miss!” he shouted.“Shut the door, please!”

“Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye,” she called back.“You just shut that door, please,” called the guard, “and I'll see to the rest.” 其余的事由我负责

一位车上的列车员刚发出信号让火车启动，这时他看见一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一节打开的车厢门旁边，跟车厢里另一位漂亮姑娘在说话。

“快点，小姐!”他喊道：“请把门关上。”

“噢，我还没有和妹妹吻别呢。”她回答道。

“请把门关上好了，”列车员说：“其余的事由我负责。” Chaude and Cold A patron in Montreal cafe turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded.“This is an outrage,” he complained.“The faucet marked C gave me boiling water.”

“But, Monsieur, C stands for chaudeand a pair of glasses.Today that man is seated in United States Senate.” 三个外科医生

三个有名的外科医生正在吹嘘他们的技术。“一个人断了一只手，他来找我，”一个说，“如今那个人是个音乐会的小提琴手。”

“这算不了什么，”另一个说。“一个家伙两条腿断了，他来找我，我将它们接了回去。如今，那人是马拉松选手。”

“我比你们两个都强，”第三个说，“一天，我碰到一起可怕的车祸。除了一个马屁股，和一幅眼睛，什么都没有留下。如今，那人坐在美国参议院里。” One Side of the Case A judge asked our group of potential jurors whether anyone should be excused, and one man raised his hand.“I can't hear out of my left ear,” the man told the judge.“Can you hear out of your right ear?” the judge asked.The man nodded his head.“You'll be allowed to serve on the jury,” the judge declared.“We only listen to one side of the case at a time.” 一面之辞

一位法官问我们这群修补陪审员是否有人应当免权。一个人举起了手。

“我的左耳听不见。”那人告诉法官。

“你的右边耳朵听得见吗？”法官问道。那人点了点头。

“你将被允许加入陪审团，”法官宣布。“我们每次只听一面之辞。” A Smugglar The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry.When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.“What's in here?” he asked.“Dirt,” the driver replied.“Take them out,” the guard instructed.“I want to check them.”

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt.Reluctantly, the guard let him go.A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.“What's in the bags this time?” he asked.“Dirt, more dirt.” said the man.Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender.Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink.Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, “Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time.”

Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, “Cars.” 走私犯

一个形迹可疑的人开车来到边境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在检查汽车行李箱时，惊奇地发现了六个接缝处鼓得紧绷绷的大口袋。

“里面装的是什么？”他问道。

“土。”司机回答。

“把袋子拿出来”，哨兵命令道：“我要检查。”

那人顺从地把口袋搬了出来。确实，口袋里除了土以外，别无他特。哨兵很不情愿地让他通过了。

一周后，那人又来了，哨兵再次检查汽车上的行李箱。

“这次袋子里装的是什么？”他问道。

“土，又运了一些土。”那人回答。

哨兵不相信，对那些袋子又进行了检查，结果发现，除了土以外，仍旧一无所获。

同样的事情每周重演一次，一共持续了六个月。最后，哨兵被弄得灰心丧气，干脆辞职去当了酒吧侍者。有天夜里，那个形迹可疑的人碰巧途经酒吧，下车喝酒。那位从前的哨兵急忙迎上前去对他说，“我说，老兄，你要是能帮我一个忙，今晚的酒就归我请客。你能不能告诉我，那段时间你到底在走私什么东西？”

那人俯身过来，凑近侍者的耳朵，裂开嘴笑嘻嘻地说：“汽车。” Early Shopper It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner.“What are you charged with?” he asked.“Doing my christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant.“That's no offense,” replied the judge, “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.采购过早

那天是圣诞节，法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。“你为什么而被起诉？”他问。

“采购圣诞节物品过早。”被告答。

“这不算犯法，”法官回答，“你购物多早？”

在商店开门之前，“犯人应道。Wings The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings.As I was about to lock the doors, aa quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner.When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, “Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly.” 翅膀一天，我工作的炸鸡店在关门前出现了一阵抢购狂潮，结果除了鸡翅外所有的东西都卖完了。当我正准备锁门时，一名喝醉了的旅客进来要进餐。我问他翅膀行不行，他从柜台上靠过身子来，回答道：“女士，我到这儿来是吃东西的，不是要飞！” Keep the Change Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer.He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents.Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.I pointed out that the book was in good condition.Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause.He said it was a matter of principle.Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents.Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill.“Keep the change,” he said.零钱不用找了

在教堂的义卖市上卖旧书时，我与一名准备买东西的顾客发生了一场争论。他对购买袖珍奥金.纳什集颇感兴趣，但是说它要三十五美分开价过高。其它的平装书每本才卖十或十五美分。

我指出这本书保存状况颇好，纳什是个有趣的诗人，这个要价是合理的。他说这是个原则问题。最终，我同意以十五美分的价格将这本书卖给他。他得意洋洋，拿出一张十美元的票子付帐。“零钱不用找了。”他说。Three Whistles I promised my girlfriend a gold necklace for her birthday, but when the jeweler quoted a price for one we liked, I let out a long, low whistle.“And how much are they then?” I asked, pointing to another tray.“You, sir,” replied the jeweler, “about three whistles.” 三声口哨

我答应过我的女朋友过生日进送她一条金项链。可是当珠宝商报出我们看中的那条项链的价格时，我低低地打了个长口哨。“那这条项链多少钱呢？”我指着另一个盘子里的项链问。

“先生，对你来说，”珠宝商答道，“大约值三声口哨。” Too Polite A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices.The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far.“Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?” demanded the woman.A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, “Perhaps it's because we're too polite.” 太有礼貌

一名妇女经常光顾一家小古董店，但几乎从不买什么东西，却总是对商品和价格吹毛求疵。对于那妇女的粗暴抱怨，经理和她的销售员总是应付了事，但是有一天她做得太过分了。“为什么你们店里总是不能得到我想要的东西？”那名妇女指责说。

职员脸上带着微笑，沉着地回答道：“也许是因为我们太有礼貌了。” Good Points and Bad Points “This house,” said the real-estate salesman, “has both its good points and bad points.To show you I'm honest, I'm goint to tell you about the disadvantage往南面一个街区是一家化工厂，往北面一个街区是一家屠宰场。”

“那么它的长处呢？”预备购买房子的人问道。

“它的好处，”代理商说道，“就是，你总能分清风是从哪边吹过来的。” Camera On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera.We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model.Sal asked the owner, ”Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?“

”Look, fella,“ replied the owner, ”I don't care what you do with it after you buy it.“ 照相机

在前往威蒙特参加一个婚礼的路上，我和丈夫意识到我们忘了带照相机。我们在一家百货商店门前停了下来，希望能够买到一种便宜的，一次性照相机。萨尔问店主：“你们有那种用了就扔的照相机吗？”

“我说，小伙子，”店主回答说，“我可不管你买了之后怎么处理它。” Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall.Observers waited for mayhem to ensue.The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, ”Gigantic Sale!“ and ”Super Bargains!“ The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, ”Prices Slashed!“ and ”Fantastic Discounts!“

The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, ”ENTRANCE“.中间战术

三个互相争生意的商店老板在一条林荫道上租用了毗邻的店铺。旁观者等着瞧好戏。

右边的零售商挂起了巨大的招牌，上书：“大减价!”“特便宜!”

左边的商店挂出了更大的招牌，声称：“大砍价!”“大折扣!”

中间的商人随后准备了一个大招牌，上面只简单地写着：“入口处”。

Large Uniforms During our first three days at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, we were herded from place to place for haircuts, shots and uniforms.Back in our barracks, the drill instructor told us to put on our uniforms and fall out in front of the building.Some of the uniforms, however, were extremely large.As we filed outside, the sergeant stood by the door with his assistant.”We have to take some of these people back for refitting,“ he said.”That last man took two steps before his uniform moved.“ 大制服

在圣安东尼奥的莱克兰空军基地的头三天，我们被从一个地方赶到另一个地方去理发、照相、领制服。回到营房之后，训练指导员让我们穿上制服，在营房前原地解散。但是，我些制服特别大。我们列队的时候，中士和他的副手就站在门边。“我们得将一些人弄回去重新量一下，”他说，“最后那个人走了两步，他的制服才动。” Quick Reaction My battery commander and I were interviewing candidates for a position as reconnaissance sergeant in our artillery unit.The selected soldier needed to have keen eyesight, plus the ability to react quickly.During one interview, the commander pointed to a hill about a mile away and asked a young sergeant, ”Can you see that hill over there?“ ”Yes, sir.“ he replied.”Can you see the radio antenna on that hill?“ Again, the soldier said that he could.”Well, then,“ the commander went on, ”Can you see that bird sitting on the antenna?“

The sergeant leaned forward and squinted.”No, sir,“ he said, ”but I can hear it is singing.“ He got the job.快速反应

我和连长在面试我们炮兵部队侦察中士一职的候选人。被选的士兵要求有敏锐的观察力及快速的反应力。在一次面试时，连长指着一英里外的一座小山问一名年轻的中士：“你能看见那座山吗？”

“是的，长官。”他回答道。

“你能看见那座山上的无线电天线吗？”那士兵又说他能。“那么，”连长接着说：“你能看见停在天线上的那只鸟吗？”

那名中士身体前倾，眼睛眯成一条缝。“看不见，长官，”他说，“但我听见它在唱歌。”

他得到了那份工作。

Visual Training The squad were having ”visual training“.One smart recruit was asked by the officer to count how many men composed a digging party in a distant field.The party was so far away that the men appeared as mere dots, but unhesitatingly the recruit replied: ”Sexteen men and a sergeant, sir.“

”Right;but how do you know there's a sergeant there?“ ”He's not doing any digging, sir.“ 视力训练

班里正在进行“视力训练”。一个聪明伶俐的新兵被班长叫出来数远处旷野上采掘队的人数。采掘队在很远的地方，那些人看起来只是一些小点儿。但是这个新兵毫不犹豫的回答：

“十六个士兵和一个中士，长官。”

“正确。可你如何知道那儿有一个中士？”

“他不干活，长官。” Speed Limit The British RAF base where I was stationed as part of a contingent of USAF personnel had one narrow road winding through the crowded residential area.After a rash of minor vehicle pedestrian accidents, the USAF commander decided to reduce the speed limit to three m.p.h.Shortly after the new limit was posted, an MP sergeant issued a speeding citation to a jeep driver for going five m.p.h.I was curious to know how the MP had determined the jeep's speed so exactly.”I was jogging to get to the PX before it closed,“ he explained, ”and as I passed the jeep, I noticed that the speedometer read five m.p.h.“ 速度限制

我作为美国空军人员分遣部队的一员驻扎在英国皇家空军某某地，那里有一条狭窄的马路蜿蜒穿过拥挤的居民区。因为多次出现汽车撞伤行人一类不甚严重的车祸，美国空军司令员决定将车速限制在每小时三英里。

新的车速限制公布后不久，一名骑警中士因一名吉普车司机开车时速达五英里而给他开了一张超速传票。

我很想知道骑警是怎样如此精确地知道那辆吉普车的速度的。“我遛达着要在邮局关门之前到达那里，”他解释道：“当我超过吉普车时，我注意到计速器指向了每小时五英里。” West Point My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College.Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms.Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, ”to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point.“

One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture.They explained, ”We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point.“ 西点军校

父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去观看一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。开始之前，我们到处转了转，碰到许多穿着整齐制服的学员。几名游客问新兵是否愿意摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好认我们的儿子知道，如果他到西点军校来学习会得到什么。”

一对中年夫妇走近一名非常漂亮的女学员，问她是否愿意摆个姿势照相。他们解释说：“我们想让儿子知道他没来西点军校错过了什么。” I Didn't Know That I Was So Far Back Already!

A big battle was going on during the First World War.Guns were firing, and shells and bullets were flying about everywhere.After an hour of this, one of the soldier decided that the fighting was getting too dangerous for him, so he left the front line and began to go away from the battle.After he had walked for an hour, he saw an officer coming towards him.The officer stopped him and said, ”Where are you going?“

”I'm trying to get as far away as possible from the battle that's going on behind us, sir.“ the soldier answered.”Do you know who I am?“ the officer said to him angerly.”I'm your commanding officer.“ The soldier was very surprised when he heard this and said, ”My God, I didn't know that I was so far back already!“

真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!第一次世界大战期间，一场大战役正在进行。枪炮轰鸣，子弹横飞。这样持续了一小时后，有个士兵认为战斗太危险了，所以他离开前线，开始逃离战场。走了一个小时后，他看见一个军官朝他走过来。军官拦住他，问道：“你到哪儿去？”

“长官，我正尽力躲开身后正在进行的战斗。”士兵回答说。

“你知道我是谁吗？”军官生气地说：“我是你们的指挥官。”

士兵听了十分惊讶地说：“天哪，真没想到我已经往回跑了这么远!” None Other Than a Soldier As a newly commissinaed infantry lieutenant, I was eager to set an example for my platoon by cleaning my own M-16 rifle.While we were working on the weapons, one soldier complained about the unusual notched shape of the M-16's bolt and chamber, which makes it difficult to clean.”Lieutenant, they need to make something to clean this with,“ the soldier said.”They do,“ piped up a sergeant.”Really,“ I said with surprise, wondering why we had not ordered such a tool.”Yes, sir,“ replied the sergeant.”It's called a soldier.“ 正是士兵

作为一名新上任的步兵中尉，我通过擦拭自己的M-16式自动步枪给全排作个榜样。我们一块擦枪，一名战士抱怨由于M-16的枪栓枪膛的特别凹形结构，擦起来十分困难。

“中尉，应该制造一种擦这枪的工具。”士兵说。

“已经制造出来了。”一军士尖叫。

“真的？”我十分诧异，纳闷为什么我们没有定购这种工具。

“真的，长官，”军士答道，“它就是士兵。” Best Reward A naval officer fell overboard.He was rescued by a deck hand.The officer asked how he could reward him.”The best way, sir,“ said the deck hand, ”is to say nothing about it.If the other fellows knew I'd pulled you out, they'd chuck me in.“ 最好的奖赏

一名海军军官从甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。这位军官问如何都能酬谢他。

“最好的办法，长官，”这名水手说，“是别声张这事。如果其他人知道我救了您，他们会把我扔下去的。” Skunk ”We have a skunk in the basement,“ shrieked the caller to the police dispatcher.”How can we get it out?“

”Take some bread crumbs,“ said the dispatcher, ”and put down a trail from the basement out to the back yard.Then leave the cellar door open.“

Sometime later the resident called back.”Did you get rid of it?“ asked the dispatcher.”No,“ replied the caller.”Now I have two skunks in there!“ 臭鼬

“我们的地下室里有一只臭鼬，”打电话的人对警察调度员尖叫道。“我们怎样才能把它弄出来？”

“弄一些面包屑，”调度员说，“从地下室往外铺一条小道直到后院。然后将地下室的门打开。”

一段时间后，那位居民又将电话打了回来。“你们将它弄出来了吗？”调度员问。

“没有，”打电话的人答道，“现在那儿有两只臭鼬了。” A Mistake An Amercian, a Scot and a Canadian were killed in a car accident.They arrived at the gates of heaven, where a flustered St.Peterexplained that there had been a mistake.”Give me $500 each,“ he said, ”and I'll return you to earth as if the whole thing never happened.“

”Done!“ said the American.Instantly, he found himself standing unhurt near the scene.”Where are the others?“ asked a medic.”Last I knew,“ said the American, ”the Scot was huggling price, and the Canadian was arguing that his government should pay.“ 搞错了

一位美国人，一位英格兰人和一位加拿大人在一场车祸中丧生。他们到达天堂的门口。在那里，醉醺醺的圣彼德解释说是搞错了。“每人给我五百美元，”他说，“我将把你们送回人间，就象什么都没有发生过一样。”

“成交!”美国人说。立刻，他发现自己毫不损伤地站在现场附近。

“其他人在哪儿？”一名医生问道。

“我离开之前，”那名美国人说，“我看见英格兰人正在砍价，而那名加拿大人正在分辩说应该由他的政府来出这笔钱。” Good News And Bad News ”There's good news and bad news,“ the porce lawyer told his client.”I could sure use some good news,“ sighed the client.”What's it?“

”Your wife isn't demanding that your future inheritances be included in the settlement.“ ”And the bad news?“

”After the porce, she's marrying your father.“ 好消息和坏消息

“有好消息，也有坏消息，”离婚律师告诉他的当事人。

“我总能利用一些好消息吧，”当事人吧了口气说，“是什么好消息？”

“你妻子没有要求将你未来的继承财产也划入裁决的范围。”

“那么坏消息呢？”

“离婚以后，她将与你父亲结婚。” Perfect Match A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase.Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color.The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.Years later, he retires and truns the business over to his son.”Dad,“ says the son, ”there's something I've got to know.How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?“ ”Son,“ the father replies, ”I painted the vase.“ 绝配

一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩而深感骄傲，以至于她竟要把卧室漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色，但是谁也没有能令那位怪癖的妇女满意。

最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那妇女对他的成果非常满意，油漆匠于是一举成名。

多年以后，他退休了，生意也交给儿子。“爸，”儿子说，“有件事我得弄清楚，您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么绝的？”

“儿子，”父亲回答说，“我漆了花瓶。” Patience Angler: You've been watching me for three hours now.Why don't you try yourself? Onlooker: I haven't got the patience.耐性

垂钓者：你已经盯着看了三个小时了，你干嘛不自己亲自钓呢？

旁观者：我没那耐性。The World's Greatest Swordsman At an exhibition of the world's best swordsman, the third-place fencer took the stage.A fly was released, and with an arc of his sword he cut the fly in half.The crowd cheered.Then the second-place man sliced a fly into quarters.A hush fell in anticipation of the world's greatest swordsman.His blade came down in a mighty arcbut he will never be a father.” 世界上最伟大的击剑手

在一场世界最佳击剑手表演中，排名第三的击剑手上场了。一只苍蝇放了出来，剑划了一个弧，他将苍蝇劈成了两半。观众欢呼起来。紧接着排名第二的人将一只苍蝇切成了四半。现场一阵沉默，人们期盼着世界上最伟大的击剑手出场。

他的剑锋以一个巨大的弧线划了下来－－然而那只昆虫还在继续飞行!观众被惊呆了。最伟大的击剑手完全错过了他的目标，然而他还在微笑着。

“你为什么这么高兴？”有人嚷道，“你没击中!”

“啊，”剑手答道，“你刚才没有很仔细地看。苍蝇还活着，是的－－但他永远也做不成爸爸了。” Only Once A novice lion tamer was being interviewed.“I understand your father was also a lion tamer,” the reporter queried.“Yes, he was,” the man replied.“Do you actually put your head in the lion's mouth?”

“I did it only once,” said the new tamer, “to look for Dad.” 只有一次

一位驯狮新手正在接受采访。“我知道你的父亲也是个驯狮手，”记者说。

“他过去是。”那人回答说。

“你真的把头伸进过狮子的嘴里吗？”

“只有一次，”那位驯狮新手说，“为了找我爸爸。” Starstruck I have been starstruck since I was a little girl, so I was delighted and practically speechless not long ago when I spotted the actor Ernest Borgnine walking in my direction on New York's Fifth Avenue.“Why, you're Ernest Borgnine!” I managed to blurt out.“Yes,” he said, nodding politely, “I know.” 追星族

从小时候起，我就一直被明星所深深吸引，因此不久以前当我在纽约第五大街上认出演员厄内斯特.波格尼向我迎面走过来时，我欣喜若狂，完全不知该说什么好。“怎么，你是厄内斯特.波格尼!”我想法迸出一句话来。

“是的，”他很有礼貌地点了点头，说道：“我知道。” Keep the Change One sweltering day, I was scooping ice cream into cones and told my four children they could “buy” a cone from me for a hug.Almost immediately, the kids lined up to make their purchases.The three youngest each gave me a quick hug, grabbed their cones and raced back outside.But when my teen-age son at the end of the line finally got his turn to “buy” his ice cream, he gave me two hugs.“Keep the changes,” he said with a smile.不用找了

有一天天气闷热，我将冰淇淋舀进锥筒，告诉我的四个小孩，他们可以从我这里用拥抱“购买”一筒。于是，孩子们马上排起了队来购买。较小的三个孩子每人很快的抱了我一下，抓过冰淇淋筒就跑到外面去了。最后轮到排在队尾十年的大儿子来“买”冰淇淋时，他拥抱了我二下。“不用找了，”他笑着说。Persistance Returning from a golf outing, my husband was greeted at the door by Sara, our four-year-old daughter.“Daddy, who won the golf game? You or Uncle Richie?”

“Uncle Richie and I don't play golf to win,” my husband hedged.“We just play to have fun.” Undaunted, Sare said, “Okay, Daddy, who had more fun?” 缠住不放

丈夫打完高尔夫球回来，我们四岁的女儿莎拉在门口迎了上去。“爸爸，谁赢了高尔夫球比赛，是你还是理查叔叔？”

“我和理查叔叔打高尔夫球不是为赢，”丈夫推诿说。“我们打球只是为了好玩而已。”

莎拉毫不气馁，又问：“那么，爸爸，谁觉得更好玩呢？” Treat As a rookie in the Atlantic City, N.J., Police department, I was assigned a beat on the boardwalk.Hardly a day went by when I didn't come upon a child who had become separated from his parents.One afternoon, I spotted a small boy standing alone, obviously lost.I tried to gain his confidence$45.“

”Why don't you order that, Mom?“ I asked.”I know how much you like lobster.“

She looked at me with the eyes of a skeptic and shook her head.”How do they know they're really twins?“ 孪生龙虾

我当演员取得成功后，想在妈妈面前炫耀一番。于是，我带着她到拉斯维加斯的凯撒宫去吃饭。在菜谱中有道菜是“孪生龙虾--45美元。”

“你为什么不点那个呢，妈？”我问道：“我知道你很喜欢吃龙虾了。”

她满眼狐疑地看着我，然后摇了摇头。“他们怎么知道它们确实是孪生的呢？” A Fine Match One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor.She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops.There she bought a mousetrap.The shopkeeper said to her, ”Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse.“

The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it.She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap.Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful!When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese!势均力敌

有一天某位女士看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很害怕老鼠，所以她冲出屋子，搭上了公共汽车直奔商店。在那儿，她买了一只老鼠夹。店主告诉她：“放点奶酪在里面，很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。”

这位女士带着鼠夹回到家里，但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到商店里去，因为已经很晚了。于是，她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。

令人称奇的是，这画有奶酪的图片竟然奏效了!第二天早上，这位女士下楼到厨房时，发现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片!The Same Service A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor.”When I was first married, I was very happy.I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop, and my little dog would race around barking, and my wife would bring me my slippers.Now everything's changed.When I come home, my dog brings me my slippers, and my wife barks at me.“

”I don't know what you're complaining about,“ said the counselor, ”You're still getting the same service.“ 同样的服务

有位结婚十年的男人，正向婚姻顾问请教。

“新婚时我非常幸福。在市区的商店里累了一天，回到家里，小狗围着我又跑又叫，妻子忙给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。小狗给我叼来拖鞋，妻子对我又喊又叫。”

“我不知道你有什么可抱怨的，”顾问说，“你得到的服务还是同样的嘛。” Class and Ass Professor Laurie of Glasgow put his notice on his door: ”Professor Laurie will not meet his classes today.“

A student, after reading the notice, rubbed out the ”c“.Later Professor Laurie came along, and entering into the spirit of the joke, rubbed out the ”l“.班和笨驴

格拉斯哥的劳里教授在门上贴了这样一个通知：“劳里教授今天不见他的班级。”

一个学生读了通知后，擦掉了字母“c”(lass：姑娘)。

后来劳里教授来了，也想开开玩笑，他擦掉了字母“l”(ass：笨驴)。

Plagiarism A friend of mine who teachs European history at Washington University in St.Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper.He summoned the student to his office.”This isn't your work.“ he said.”Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia.“You cann't prove that!” the student sputtered.My friend amiled and show him the paper.Circled in red was: “Also see article on communism.” 抄袭

我有个朋友在圣路易斯的华盛顿大学教欧洲历史，他说有一次他发现了一篇抄袭的学期论文。他把那个学生叫到了办公室。“这不是你写的，”他说，“有人帮你从百科全书上原封不动地打印了下来。”

“你没有证据。”那学生气急败坏地说。

我朋友笑了，他把论文拿给他看。用红笔圈出来的是：“也可参阅共产主义一文。” Virtue Many years after receiving my graduate degree, I returned to the State University of New York at Binghamton as a faculty member.One day in a crowded elevator, someone remarked on its inefficiency.I said the elevators had not changed in the 20 years since I began there as a student.When the door finally opened, I felt a compassionate pat on my back, and turned to see an elderly nun smiling at me.“You'll get that degree, dear,” she whispered.“Perseverance is a virtue.” 美德

获取研究生学位多年以后，我回到位于宾翰顿的纽约州立大学当教员。一天，电梯里很拥挤，有人抱怨电梯效率太低。我说自我在那里当学生起，20年来电梯一直没有换过。

最后当电梯门打开时，我感到有人在我的背上同情地拍了一下，回过头来我看到一位年长的修女正在朝我微笑。“你会拿到学位的，亲爱的，”她低声说道：“坚持不懈是一种美德。” Difference “I can always tell a graduate class from an undergraduate class,” observed the instructor in one of my graduate engineering courses at California State University in Los Angeles.“When I say, 'Good afternoon,' the undergraduates respond, 'Good afternoon.” But the graduate students just write it down.“ 区别

“研究生班和本科生很容易就能区别开来，”在洛杉矶加利福利亚州立大学给我们研究生上工程学课的老师如此说。“我说„下午好‟，本科生们回答说„下午好‟。研究生们则把我说的话记在笔记本上。” Flunking Math My son, who made the dean's list in his freshman year at Ball State University in Muncie, Ind., called home a few weeks after starting his sophomore year as a psychology student.”Mom,“ he said excitely, ”I have found the answer to surviving college!It isn't the grades that are so important, but the quality of what is learned and how it is applied to daily life.I'm lucky to be having these wonderful experiences!“ ”And just what does this mean?“ I asked.”I'm flunking math,“ he replied.数学没及格

我儿子是印第安那市曼西尔波州立大学的学生，大学一年级就上了系主任的名单。第二年他学心理学，刚几个星期他就给家里打了个电话。

“妈妈，”他激动地说：“我找到了如何在大学里生存下去的答案!重要的不是分数，而是具备将学到的知识应用于日常生活的素质。我很幸运地有了这种奇妙的经历。”

“你到底是什么意思？”我问道。

“我数学没及格。”他回答说。

Part-time Job When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket.He came home all smiles.”How was your first day?“ I asked.”It was great, Dad,“ he replied.”I got to talk to some good-looking girls.“ Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, ”What did you say to them?“ ”Do you prefer paper or plastic?“ 业余工作

我儿子在一所中学读二年级时，在一家超级市场找到了一份包装商品的业余工作。他满面笑容地回到了家。

“第一天感觉如何？”我问。

“好极了，爸爸。”他答道，“我跟许多漂亮的女孩子讲了话。”

由于斯蒂芬不善言谈，我问道：“你跟他们说了些什么？”

“你是喜欢纸包装还是塑料包装？” Keys? Kiss? A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States.After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on.The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, ”Give me the kays.“ The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss.Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated.”Give me the kays.“ The Italian shrugged his shoulders.Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.钥匙还是接吻

我的一位朋友在给一个成人学生班级上英语课。他们都是新近来美国生活的。在一张桌子上摆了许多日常用品之后，他请全班同学给他挑出尺子，书本，钢笔等。课进行得井然有序，学生们对自己所做的似乎很感兴趣，也很认真。后来轮到一名来自意大利的学生，我的朋友说：“给我钥匙。”那人看起来非常吃惊，也有点手足无措。看到这种情况，我的朋友想是他没有听清楚，于是又重复了一遍：“给我钥匙。”那位意大利学生耸了耸肩。接着，他伸出胳膊搂住老师的脖子在双颊上亲了两下。Prepare Yourself A story around campus has it taht a student once sent a telegram to his parents reading: ”Mom-flunked all courses.Kicked out of school.Prepare Pop.“

Two days later he received a response: ”Pop prepared.Prepare yourself.“ 自己做好准备

校园里流传着这样的故事：一个学生一次给父母拍了一份电报，上面写着：“妈妈－我所有功课都不及格，被学校开除。让爸爸做好准备。”

两天以后，他收到了回电：“爸爸已准备好。你自己做好准备吧!” 妻子要是报纸就好了

Wife talking to her husband，who reads newspaper all day: I

wish I were a newspaper so I'll be in your hands all day.Husband: I wish that too, so I could change you daily

妻子和丈夫谈话，他一天到晚总是看报纸，妻子抱怨说：我要是报纸就好了，那样我就可以天天在你手里了。

丈夫说我也希望那样，那样我就可以每天换一个了。

幽默笑话

一则英语笑话测试你的英语水平

I have heard one sad story of a hitchhiker who went into a

shop and saw the sign ”Lift“ but found it too heavy, then saw

the sign ”Pet Supplies“ so he did, this wasn't too bad but

then he went outside and saw the sign ”Compact Cars" and went

to prison for ten years.A：一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见Lift(千斤顶)的标签，看见Pet

Supplies(宠物用品)的标签，看见Compact Cars(小轿车)的标签，最后却被关进监狱，判刑十年。

B：我曾听说过一个倒霉的故事，有一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见Lift标签，想抢一个千斤顶，但千斤顶太重，所以没抢；看见Pet

Supplies标签，抢了一些宠物用品，不过宠物用品并不值几个钱，所以罪行并不严重；但当他走出商店时，看见Compact

Cars标签，他又抢了一辆小轿车，所以最后他被警察逮住，坐牢十年。

C:这段话其实是一个笑话，其中的Lift、Pet和Compact，并不是名词或形容词，而是动词，意思分别是：举起、抚摸和压扁，因此这段话的真正意思是：我曾听说过一个倒霉的故事，有一个搭车者，走进一家商店，看见一个标签上写着“举起来”，可是那个东西太重了；看见一个标签上写着“拍拍商品”，于是就拍了拍，这也没什么；但当他走出商店时，又看见一个标签，上面写着“砸汽车”，结果被判坐牢十年